Letting go..a short story

 My story begins while visiting my hometown in Florida. As I traveled down the red clay road, my mind began to wander back to my childhood. Memories of the pain and abuse began to overwhelm me as I neared the now long abandoned homestead. I needed to see it for myself one last time before it was torn down, as if seeing it would help close that chapter of my life. 

 When I finally arrived, I sat there, at the entrace to the driveway,  wondering if this was a good idea after all. I had been warned it would only bring back useless memories that were best forgotton.  With a heavy breath, I drove down the winding driveway and slowly came to a stop among the tall grass and weeds that had taken over where I once played.  I was not shocked to be honest when I saw the state of the old place. Trees had long been over grown, weeds growing through the front porch steps, debris strewn everywhere from the harsh effects of summer thunder storms. 

I sat there, gazing around fulling intending to just back out as I had originally planned. Just a quick look, just a short reminder of what helped shape the man I am today. But I couldn't leave, I had to get out and make sure the old man was long gone. Just to know everything was as it should be, to know he is now gone and will never harm another again, especially me. 

I opened the truck door and waited. One leg, then the other was placed on the ground slowly. I quietly shut the truck door as if I were still a child  hiding from him. The hot summer air seemed to suck the life from me more every single second as I stood there, scanning the house for any sign of life. I knew no one was there, no one had been there for years. The porch had partially rotted, the roof had long since caved in. Rusty bits of metal roofing hung as if it would take only a small gust of wind to take it down. 

A sudden fluttering of wings snapped me out of my daze as I looked around and realized I was walking towards the front door. I had scared a poor grass bird from its busy work of gathering its dinner in the tall grass.  I chuckled at myself for being nervous, for acting as if he were going to walk out and start his usual bellowing at me. Yet, I still stood there, my inner laughter growing silent. My body had begun to shake all on its own. I turned and began to walk around the old house, looking for anything that would bring a fond reminder. Something, anything that would help me have just one good memory of my life here. 

Around the back, the porch had long since rotted down to a pile of broken pieces. The old peach tree that supplied so many weapons for his dealing out the punishments for various mild offenses I had done had long since died. Its skeleton of broken branches and split trunk is all that remained. Along the side, the roof had fallen in and gave a bit of shelter to the piles of garbage and debris people had dumped to avoid paying the local fee to dispose of their trash properly. Old clothes and toys lay about all covered in moss and mold. 

As I reached the front porch again, I took a deep breath and peered inside one of the large front windows. Nothing but a single chair sat inside. It was his chair, I will go to my grave knowing what that single chair looked like. It was his domain, his throne upon which he cast down judgment and sentence to those of us he held in his grasp. 

His evil had died many years ago, yet even now, I could feel his hatred. Hatred for a child that did nothing to make him hate so much. Yet whose very existence seemed to infuriate the old bastard. I gathered myself for a moment and stepped gingerly up to the first step, then second. The old boards groaned in protest but did not give way. I cautiously took the few steps to the front door, opened the screen which seemed to scream in agony at the intrusion. I lightly wiggled the front handle, and it gave way. I pushed open the door and stood there quietly. Listening for anything, but only heard silence. Suddenly I heard a snap, that of a what seems to be a brance from behind me, I swung round to see nothing. Rattled but soon realizing I was still alone I started to turn back and go inside for a quick look when I noticed a dog,  far enough down the drive way I could only barely make him out. Poor thing, must have been dumped off and heard me moving about. 

I looked back inside for a moment and thought it not worth trying those old boards, and really should see if this poor animal needs my help when I realized everything was silent. Except for my own heartbeat pounding in my ears. I turned back to the dog, he was closer this time, too close. He had covered an impossibly long distance in a just a few seconds. I noticed it was still approaching, head down as if to warn me I was not welcome here.

I backed into the house slowly keeping my eyes on the animal that now stood at the back of my truck. I called to him in a friendly but gentle tone. Reassuring him I meant no harm. I was greeted with a show of fangs, teeth bared he began to emit a low growl, his body lunged forward to intimidate me and to assure me, he did mean me harm. I stagged back inside, only to trip on a broken board. As I landed hard on my ass, I felt an incredibly sharp pain emit from my wrist. I winced and looked up to see the animal charging at me leaping up past the steps and onto the porch, with my foot I slammed the old door and held it with both feet bracing for the impact of the animal. But nothing came. No impact, no growl, no bark, no sound at all. 

I stood still trying to brace the door shut while nursing my now very obvious broken wrist. I dared to peek out the window of the old farm door to see where this creature was but to my surprise, nothing was there. Not even paw prints, only my boot prints remained. How could this be? What just happened? were merely two of the many questions I had running through my terrified mind. I scanned the grounds to try and spot any movement, still nothing. I soon realized it could already be inside with me, I swung around my back to the door still bracing it shut to scan for anywhere it could get in. The old roof and rotted doors would make it very easy for this animal to get inside. I could hear the floorboards groaning under me with each step as I looked for anything I could defend myself with. 

I walked carefully but as quickly as possible to my old room. The long dark hallway to my room was as every bit as terrifying as the damn dog I envisioned attacking me at any given moment.  Finally in what seemed another lifetime, I made it. Pushing open the door only slightly to make sure the dog from hell wasnt in there already just waiting to rip out my throat. Nothing, still nothing , with a thankful breah of relief I went inside. Testing the old floor with each light step. I quickly shut the door behind me. I began to look around, first out the cracked window. To my surprise, the yard seemed as it did when I were a child. 

My old tire swing still hung outside, my beloved firetruck sat below the tree in the shade waiting for me. My breath seemed to have been lost, as I scanned the yard, clothes hung on the line gently blowing in the breeze. Plums hung heavy on the tree just waiting to be picked. The farms farther out, rich and green with life. My life as it were back then was before me now. A creaking of floor startled me into swinging around to face the door. My room...my room was as it were when I was young. My few allowed toys lay hidden in the cardboard box I kept them in all those years ago. 

My room had been my own world, to which I had been banished many many times. It was for many years my safe haven. My refuge from the storm. Until he began his nightly visits. Daily beatings and then the visits, all of which were my fault. I caused him to be this way, I was damning him to hell and he wished to take me with him. Tears began to glide down my face, I wiped them away quickly, grimacing as I had forgotten about my aching wrist and mistakenly wiped my cheek with my injured hand. 

Again the creaking of the floor caught my attenion and send a wave of terror as it always used to. This was not the damn dog that had chased me inside. No, it had to be, no one else was within miles of this horrible place. No one would buy it after all that had happened here. No one wanted to help then, and now their guilt kept them away as well. 

Another slow deliberate creak, then another. I raced to the door and held my body against it with all my strength. Who the hell was this. The old man had died years ago, I saw him, I watched them bury his remains. Bastard....

I waited for what seemed like an eternity, sweat pouring off me. The Florida heat, no open windows, no breeze and the old musty house seems hell bent on killing me if the dog didnt. Or whomever on the other side of the door didnt. Who the hell is there? Silence... who the fuck is there??? Answer me!! I screamed..Nothing...silence. A cold wind blew across my face, I turned from the door, and there was there stood the damn animal that had gotten me to run inside. I began to sob as it stared me down. I slid down the door, knowing these were my final moments. I would die in this house just as he wanted. 

I watched as the animal drew nearer till its muzzle were mere inches from my face. Tears fell down my cheeks once again. I knew this was the end. I were about to die and no one would even know I had passed. Maybe someone would find me, but it would be far too late. Only a burial would get me away from this house of hell.  I whispered do it. You came here for this, do it. The animal stared at me for a moment before breathing in my scent. It leaned in closer, nose touching my face, I closed my eyes and relaxed. 

Maybe if I didnt fight it would be quick, painful, but at least it would be quick. I thought about my friends. Would they even remember me in a few years. I had never let anyone close enough to know the real me, only what I pretended to be. No, they wouldnt. I would be a fool to think otherwise. Just like I was a fool to come here, and a bigger fool to have not let anyone close enough to know me. The real me.  I felt the hot breath of the animal blowing across my cheek, its head moving beside mine, till its neck were against my shoulder. It had moved into my lap, its head resting against mine. It began to whine. It's body quivered as I slowly reached up to stroke its side. 

Shush, its ok. I'm here I whispered before I could stop myself. It pulled back slowly, its entire demenor had changed. Its beautiful dark brown eyes seemed to have tears in them. This animal, this gorgeous creature was crying with me.  Are we friends now? I asked, my answer was a soft lick to the cheek. I slowly began to scrach his ear, to which I was rewarded with the loving lean only faithful dogs do. I smiled, the pain from my wrist and hand now gone. My pounding heart slowed, my body relaxed. I looked around and my room had rotted away. The sun had begun its evening journey to the west. 

Where did you come from buddy? I asked. He tilted his head slightly watching me. Well, I guess since you cant tell me, how about you come with me.  He stood and backed away letting me stand, I opened the door confident this time. I knew I was finally safe with my new friend.  He followed me out and to my truck. As I opened the door, he jumped inside, moving to the passenger side like an old pro. I looked back once again, standing inside, was the bastard. Trapped inside as he should be. His angry image faded from view as the night began creeping up on the house. I started my truck, and began my journey home. 

My new best friend beside me. Yes, he gave me the fright of my life. I realize now, he wasnt after me. He saw the bastard who is now trapped inside that dead and decaying house. Along with the pain he caused. As for me, Im free. I am free and learning to love and be loved. Its taken a long road to get here. But with time and my new sense of courage. I will get through this journey. Those memories will wither and fade, just like that Florida day, the day I learned to let go...